Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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