my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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