I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
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Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
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I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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