Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
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Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
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Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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