listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize