all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize