I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
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Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
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i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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