Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
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Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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