The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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