people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
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Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
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By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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