My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
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Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
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