she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
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Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Shitshow foam night was such a success
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i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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