I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
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You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
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I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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