I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
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We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
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The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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