6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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