i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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