She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
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You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
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I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
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