The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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