you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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