this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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