How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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