My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize