Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize