i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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