it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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