Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize