Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize