And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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