wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
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Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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