oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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