He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
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We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
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My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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