why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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