She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
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There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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