Your face is a jimmy john
Screwed.edu
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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