and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
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He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
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Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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