It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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