I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
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