Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
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creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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