my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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