Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
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