You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Randomize