and my herpes radar will keep us safe
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize