but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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