Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the room spins SO much faster in panama
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize