Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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