sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
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I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
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It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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