Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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