The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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