who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Dear god my vagina.
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