watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
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I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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